This two-part article will conclude with the problem of clergy sexual abuse. But first: love in a golf cart.
“Do you want to go for a ride in a golf cart?”
The invitation came from one of the organizers, a woman of about my age. Because an announcement about using the carts had just been made at the conference I was attending, I thought nothing of it and replied, “Sure, show me where they are.” But as soon as we had found a cart for me, she jumped into the driver’s seat, and so off we went through the lovely grounds during an afternoon break in the proceedings. I commented amiably about the beautiful seaside location of the golf course, which had been taken over for the duration of the conference, while she asked questions about my background.
She must have noticed that I didn’t wear a ring, but I was naīve enough not to suspect anything until her reaction to my answers. I said that I studied counseling and mediation, and when asked what schools I had attended, I told her of the programs taken at some colleges and universities, and at a Presbyterian seminary. The golf cart jerked to a sudden stop. “A seminary?” she nearly screamed. “You mean you’re a priest!!” Shock and disappointment was written all over her face. From her Catholic background she wrongly assumed I had gone in for the priesthood — the celibate priesthood! Amiable conversation ended right there and the sight-seeing outing was cut short as she quickly steered us back to the main building.
I have known that perceptions, especially the mistaken and unknowledgeable kind, can cause no end of difficulties among people, and I have used more than a little virtual ink in writing about these things in some previous blog articles. It has also been my experience that wrong impressions, sometimes funny, sometimes not, are particularly a problem when it comes to matters that involve religion. On another day at another meeting, one of the ladies attending there visibly shivered when I walked behind her, a reaction that she was good enough to explain later when she got to know me better. She had also heard about my graduating from a theological school, and seriously thought that I might have learned there to use some Hogwarts-style supernatural power with which to “hex” her!
One day I read something that dashed some wrong perceptions in a welcome and acceptable way. It was a long essay in the form of a letter, written by a remarkable teacher for his followers and students. After many pages, the man ended his prolonged instruction with a drawn-out closing greeting, a kind of “Please-say-hello-for-me-to-the-others,” and he mentioned more than twenty people his readers should be sure to greet for him.
The very first two are pointed out by name and are women he knows. Another seven women are also specifically mentioned, all of them commended for their work. Even more women are part of groups which he indicated should be greeted, and some of those, along with some men, had moved from elsewhere (“come from away” as they say in Atlantic Canada). Being outside the local cliques, they might not be greeted without this special request.
This plea to his readers to go out of their way is very unusual on two counts. First, the teacher lived many years ago in the Roman Empire, a culture in which women would not be expected to get such specially-mentioned greetings, let alone be named right at the top of the request. And second, the writer has been much reviled in our own times for supposedly being misogynistic, as being biased against women: he was the Christian apostle, Paul. His request to his followers to honor several women by connecting with them in special greetings, including those “from away,” shows that the current negative perception of him is questionable.
I wonder: if I had been able to persuade the person in the golf cart that I was not a Catholic priest (I certainly didn’t wear that kind of garb) would she have changed her response? Yes, but then again, we know that perceptions, once formed, are notoriously difficult to set right.
Reference: The long request for special greetings is made in the letter to Christians living in Rome, by Paul of Tarsus in Romans chapter 16, the New Testament.
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